How to Talk to an Angry Teenager
It’s well known that the teen years are the most trying time for parents.
It may seem like their rebellion is personal. In fact, it may seem that they’re determined to make your home life miserable. But, in reality, this is a natural process. Your teenager is maturing on both a physical and emotional level. Plus, their brain is still developing. When their frontal cortex develops in a few years, you will see a different person. Until that time, talking to them can feel almost impossible. Here are some tips for talking to your angry teen.
Change Your Parenting Style
If you have an authoritarian parenting style, you’ll need to switch styles. An authoritarian method of parenting will cause you to butt heads with your teen. Thus, resulting in increased anger and lack of resolution. Switch your style to an authoritative style to get better reactions. An authoritative parent explains their reasoning. They will give consequences while considering their child’s feelings and other circumstances. They put a great deal of effort into the relationship they’re developing with their child.
Frame the Conversation
When it’s time to have a conversation with your teen, first frame the conversation so they know that you’re not angry. If they think you’re angry, they’re more likely to get defensive or shut down. Because they’re unable to have full control of their emotions or foresee the consequences of their behavior, they’re very reactive. As a result, they will immediately become irrationally angry. To avoid this, let them know that you are irritated, disappointed, or upset, but that you’re not angry with them.
Listen
Overall, it’s important to keep lines of communication open with your teen. You can turn anger into dialogue by making an effort to listen to and understand your teen. So, ensure that you heard them and understand their feelings. Trying to give advice or enforce rules can break communication down when you need it to stay open.
Your teen is trying to figure out their identity as they navigate hormonal, growth, and development changes that are out of their control. Understand that their anger is about asserting themselves. Or, trying to separate themselves as an individual. This is a difficult time, and your teen needs empathy. Stay your child’s safe and secure base, so when they’ve calmed down or are growing out of this phase, they know where to come back.
Are you a parent having a difficult time with a teenager? If so, a licensed therapist can offer support and guidance for both of you. Call my office today so we can set up a time to talk.
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