Are You a Narcissistic Abuse Survivor?

Have you ever been in a relationship or situation where you’ve felt like you’re being constantly bullied or taken advantage of? If you’ve ever felt abused, helpless or worthless because of the way someone has treated you, then this article is for you.

Narcissistic abuse may be way more common than you think – and a lot of it goes unreported. Here at My Therapy Connection^TM, we’re dedicated to helping heal folks whose lives have been negatively impacted by it.

So – here are some important facts you should know.

What is Narcissism?

Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a term used to describe a mental health condition where someone has an exaggerated sense of their own importance or power, and very often places their own ego and needs above the welfare of others.

Not every narcissist is an abuser – but when they are, they’re experts at inflicting psychological, emotional, and sometimes physical harm to get whatever they want. Whether it’s a personal relationship, a workplace dynamic, or a social circle, the narcissistic abuser is a master manipulator, often gaslighting and lying to dominate and control their victim.

A narcissist wants absolute control and will do anything to get it:

• They’ll bully, belittle, or undermine their victims – often while pretending to be honest, trustworthy, and blameless.
• They use lies and gaslighting to manipulate situations and cover their tracks.
• They’ll often brag about how amazing they are – and put others down to make themselves look good.
• They’ll create a narrative that always blames their victim and makes them believe they’re at fault.
• They’ll dominate their victim until it becomes extremely difficult for that individual to exit the toxic relationship.
• They’ll “play the victim” and refuse to accept blame if confronted or called out for their behavior.

There’s much more, but it’s easy to see just how damaging this kind of behavior really is – and why it’s so important to seek help if you’ve ever been caught in this kind of situation.

The Narcissistic Cycle

Narcissistic abusers most always use these tactics to gain control over their victims:

Stage 1: The Honeymoon

Here, the narcissist will shower you with attention and praise. The goal is to elevate you and make you feel special – but to also set you up so you begin to rely on the narcissist for approval and validation.

Stage 2: The Devaluation

Next, the narcissist abuser changes tactics. You might find yourself the target of criticism or insults, faultfinding, controlling behavior, gaslighting, and even physical abuse. At this point, the abuser knows that you’re emotionally, psychologically, or financially dependent on them, and often can’t fight back.

Stage 3: The Rejection

The narcissist now seeks complete control – and that means making you feel even more helpless and worthless by rejecting you. This could be in a personal relationship, or socially isolation, or sabotage in a work environment. The narcissist will then often play the wronged party at this point, blaming you for the breakdown while manipulating facts or inventing a false narrative.

Stage 4: Smothering

Here, the narcissist’s goal is to dominate your thoughts, emotions, and time – forcing you to constantly engage with the abuser. The’ll often do this by abusing your time or resources, conducting smear campaigns, delivering threats, or finding other ways to overwhelm you. Even if you’ve distanced yourself, a narcissistic abuser could resort to harassment or even stalking, to keep you in a state of fear or uncertainty.

In some cases, the sustained pressure is so unbearable that a victim simply gives up and returns to the abuser, hoping it’ll get better. (Unfortunately, it doesn’t.)

The Damaging Effects of Narcissistic Abuse

There are many well-known symptoms of narcissistic abuse, sometimes collectively referred to as Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome. These often include:

• Feelings of emotional and physical detachment from your environment, friends, and even parts of your own personality.
• “Walking on eggshells” and doing everything possible to avoid saying or doing anything that might give rise to conflict.
• Feelings of guilt, shame, loneliness, and isolation – often accompanied by a deep sense of grief or loss.
• Escape behaviors like compulsive eating, gambling, or substance abuse.
• Sacrificing personal needs, desires, and goals – or even physical safety – in order to please the abuser. This can also mean being left financially destitute, having to depend on the abuser for even the most basic needs.
• Mistrust of others and even of yourself – which can lead to self-sabotaging behavior, negative self-talk, and self-destructive beliefs and behavior.
• A sense of increasing hopelessness and worthlessness, which can lead to self-harm or even suicide.

There’s much more, and the complex PTSD that often results from narcissistic abuse should never be underestimated. And that’s why My Therapy Connection^TM offers more than professional expertise – we also understand the need for deep empathy and sincere human connection with every single person we assist.

Breaking Free from a Narcissistic Abuse Relationship

The first and most important step toward recovery and healing is to break away completely from the narcissist and the associated environment – and we know just how challenging that can be.

Here are some simple pointers:

1. Recognize the abuse for what it is and acknowledge that you need to get out of that situation.
2. End the relationship. Abusive relationships (whether personal, work-related, or social) almost never get better. Ending things is the only smart choice here. Cut ties totally – including social media or anywhere else that could give the abuser an opportunity to engage with you.
3. Seek out support, immediately. It’s much easier to take that step with the support and encouragement of people who genuinely care for you.
4. Avoid retaliation. Remember that a narcissist thrives on attention – even negative attention! Don’t give that person another moment of your time or energy. Let it go and focus only on moving forward.
5. Rediscover your true self. It’s okay to feel grief. It’s okay to express emotions, state your needs, and rediscover what you truly want from life. Embrace new ideas, sources of inspiration, and creative thinking, because these give rise to new excitement and joy!
6. Make self-care a priority, both physical and otherwise. Be gentle with yourself and avoid being self-critical in the aftermath. Create new rituals and habits that anchor you to this new, better life you’re creating.

Therapy for Survivors of Narcissistic Abuse

It’s really important to recognize the importance of therapy in healing from narcissistic abuse. Why? Because survivors of narcissistic abuse often find it incredibly difficult to view their experiences with any objectivity. Even though the relationship or situation may have ended, the trauma is still present.

The very best thing you can do is to have someone alongside who is trained to gently walk the path of recovery with you. We’ve made it simple: all you need to do is schedule a free introductory consultation call with My Therapy Connection^TM so we can answer questions, provide reassurance, and make recommendations that will truly help you.

We’ll connect you with a skilled therapist in our group who not only offers the appropriate therapy modality for your needs but is also a great fit in terms of personality, approach, and compatibility. Certain therapy modalities have proven to be truly helpful for survivors of narcissistic abuse, and we’ll ensure that you’re helped in the best way possible.

Some therapy options include:

• Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): This form of therapy is specifically designed to help individuals understand and change thought patterns that may be harmful or destructive.
• Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR): This is a form of therapy that focuses specifically on processing traumatic memories. EMDR has also proven to be one of the most effective tools for helping heal victims of narcissistic abuse.
• Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT): This form of therapy is highly participative, as therapist and client talk, recalibrate, and journey together in a series of progressively personalized sessions that are uniquely adaptable to the client’s needs.

If you have any questions around our various modes of therapy, just ask, and we’ll gladly assist you.

The First Day of the Rest of Your Life

It’s never easy to exit an abusive relationship. But with the right support and professional assistance, it’s one of the best things you’ll ever do.

At My Therapy Connection^TM, our goal is to help you process trauma in a safe and supportive environment, setting you free and working toward healing and restoration.

We do it because it’s our calling – and we do it because you deserve a life of happiness and freedom.

All you need to do is take that first step.